gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize