The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
