they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
