well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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