I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
