well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
