What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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