Can i not drive my cunt home
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
