When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How naked do you want me to be?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
