How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
