the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
