How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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