Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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