The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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