my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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