I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
