I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
