You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
