just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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