their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
