Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
