Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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