oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
