You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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