You work out of a Hotel?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
