elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
