took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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