It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
