I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
