I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
