How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
