he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
