normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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