she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
