im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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