I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
