my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i think i just lost a toe
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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