Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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