ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
