I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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