It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He has the fingertips of a God
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
