I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
