My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
