If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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