I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize