so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
