So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
