If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
