hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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