I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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