she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
