I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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