He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
