It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
