Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
