Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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