Please, let me fuck your mom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
