The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
