Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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