i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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