You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
