What did we do last night that was yellow?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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