just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
