I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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