I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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