wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
