youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize