wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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