Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
