your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
