awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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