Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
