today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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