I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
