Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
