last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize