i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
