I hate your face
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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