I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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