whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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