You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm at about main and main street
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
