i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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