And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
