my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
