He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
