i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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