ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
