Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
