Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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