He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
