You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
