halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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