if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
