She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
