I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
