I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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