I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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