why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
