If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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