Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
