The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
