its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
