dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
