Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
