Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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