You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
