dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
