shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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