She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
worst night to have a conscience
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
